11 July 2012
More of the same
My friend F who is a professional musician has told me that he will be out of the country for two weeks. Therefore I am somewhat irritated to run into him on the street. He says his plans changed; I am angry that he didn't inform me. We are naked in his bed [not any bed I've ever seen in reality]. I try to suck his cock, and he angrily stops me because his wife and children are around; he pulls the blanket up over both of us and keeps me shushed. As I am leaving I say something to F [I don't recall what], and he becomes angry, shouting "You think I'm Rick Schroeder! You want Rick Schroeder!" accusing me of thinking F childish, or of seeking a childish relationship or a childlike companion. This dream features a theme that has been recurring since I started this blog, my failure to gain entry to the artistic community. See "Gashed actor" for another instance of rejection by a musician. "You think I'm Rick Schroeder! You want Rick Schroeder!" contains verbs for both "to be" and "to want." I think it stands for "You want to be Schroeder," which has two meanings. The defining feature of the Peanuts character Schroeder is that he is a pianist; I also wish being a pianist defined my identity. On Boardwalk Empire (which I was watching just yesterday), Mrs. Schroeder is the most favoured of Nucky Thompson's "concubines" (as one of his girls dubs them), trusted to enter his office while he is away and secure his secret ledger. I always wished to achieve such a place among F's harem, and in the context of this dream, that wish represents not just a wish for status in F's personal circle, but a wish for status in the world of music.